


I will follow you into the dark

by littleheavens (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Fallen Angels, Fallen Castiel, M/M, Wing Kink, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/littleheavens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are different kinds of falling. Unfortunately, Cas falls the painful way</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will follow you into the dark

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Anja, who I love with all my heart.  
> UNBETA'D, all spelling/grammar errors -i'm sure there'll be plenty- are mine.

There are different kinds of falling. There’s a possibility that your fall is completely painless, quickly. Your Grace can snap and boom, that’s it. Finito. Done. Congratulations, you will reincarnate and be a somewhat decent human being after all.

Unfortunately, Castiel’s fall was the other kind of falling.

 

The one where your Grace snaps, and you feel it. Damn, you feel it. You feel it in every bone, every nerve of your body. And yes, you get to live further, but you will always remember, until the day you eventually die. Cas knew he rebelled, to not only his own family but also to himself, so it wasn’t a surprise when he started to feel the consequences of his Fall.

It started out as a slight itch, a little absent, but there. And at first, Castiel had thought his wings just needed to be groomed and the itch would disappear afterward; but the itch quickly turned into a shattering pain. Castiel could feel how his wings were moulting, his feathers falling out one by one. Castiel had seen a lot of things in his life, but this, well, this was bloody. The angel had never experienced such pain before, and that meant a lot coming from him. He knew the process of his Fall would take long, because Cas had seen it many times before. The wings would moult slowly, feather by feather, bone by bone. There was nothing he could do avoid it, so he would just let it happen, because after all, he thought he deserved it. Cas thought he deserved the pain, the bloodiness, and the scars that would trace his shoulder blades as soon as it was over.

:::

It became worse once Dean started suspecting things. Dean would sometimes unknowingly pat Cas’ shoulder as he laughed or as he tried to stable himself. Cas would normally stay neutral and smile back at his friend, but this time, he couldn’t help but flinch a little. Dean, perceptive as he was, noticed the small, unusual movement his friend made and couldn’t help knitting his eyebrows together and asking: “Cas? What’s wrong?”

Castiel just shrugged and told Dean he was okay, followed by a smile that almost looked believable. Almost.

It happened over and over again and Dean’s suspicion grew as time went by, and Castiel was sure it wouldn’t take long before his friend would find out what was happening.

:::

Two weeks later Dean would finally figure out there was something terribly wrong, and what it was exactly. They were alone in the motel, Sam having gone out to buy groceries. “Seems like it’s just you and me, Cas” Dean laughed, patting his friend firmly on the back.

Cas whimpered, a small cry escaping his lips. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip when Dean took the angel by the shoulders and gently pushed him around so he could face him. He knew all too well an angel wasn’t supposed to feel pain, less squeal about it, and whatever Castiel would make up as an excuse this, Dean wouldn’t believe it for a second.

So it stayed quiet for a few seconds, with Dean staring at Cas, who was still biting his lip and avoiding eye-contact. “Cas, are you going to explain to me what the hell is wrong or do I need to force it out of you?” 

Castiel said nothing, but his thoughts were racing by the speed of light. He was at war with himself, considering whether to tell him or not, but he knew way too well Dean wouldn’t believe him if he made up another lame excuse. Dean wasn’t stupid, he knew pain when he saw it. Cas knew that after all those years of fighting together, he knew Dean knew him like no one else did. Castiel pressed his lips into a thin line and looked up to the man, who was still clasping onto his shoulders. In a moment, pacific blue met emerald green and Cas made a decision. He wasn’t going to tell Dean, he was going to show him.

So he shook Dean’s hands off his shoulders and took off his cream-coloured trench coat, revealing the white shirt he was wearing most of the time. Dean raised his eyebrows, his question of “Cas, what are you doing?” still hanging in the air as Castiel turned around.

“Jesus chr-“, Dean muttered, his words feeling like they stuck in his throat. Castiel’s back was red, blood red. “Did you…”

“Fall? Yes.”

And Dean knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he rushed toward Cas, gripping him tight when he saw how the man was trying to keep his balance, his face whitening and eyes rolling a little back in his cases. Cas’ wounds weren’t used to fresh air, considering they were always covered by his coat, but now the coat was off and the only thing keeping his wounds from being touched by the soft breeze in the room was a thin layer of cloth that didn’t really help at all. Cas felt incredibly…human. This kind of pain was a whole new feeling he never felt before, not even when he once drew that sigil on his chest and almost killed himself in doing so, not even when Michael made him die. So Castiel felt really grateful when Dean’s arms caught him as his knees started giving up on him.

Dean dragged Cas to the bed, making him sit down. Dean tried to keep him stable, prudently, like he was made of porcelain. “Cas, take off your shirt. I’m going to get some washcloths and some towels, and perhaps some soap, and I’m gonna clean your wounds.”

:::

Ten minutes, a half bottle of soap and two washcloths later, Cas’ back was somewhat clean. It was still looking bad though, really bad. Cas’ eyes looked tired, the bags under his eyes clearly visible. His mouth slightly twitched in a grimace. Two red marks were starting to trace down his back, still lightly bleeding. Dean couldn’t see it, but he knew there were some of the feathers left, and those would be ripped out soon too.

“Did I make it a little better?”, Dean whispered, carefully running a towel across his back. He was massaging Castiel’s back a little while he was at it, because damn, the man was too tense, so full of pain.

Cas nodded, closing his eyes and saying nothing. He enjoyed Dean’s gentle touch on his back, but it couldn’t block out the pain and guilt he was feeling. It stayed quiet for a little, Dean continuing to rush the towel over Cas’ back.

:::

“I deserve this pain, don’t I?”

Cas’ words broke the silence like shattering glass, and Dean didn’t know what to say at first. He let the words sink in, realizing what humbug Cas just blurted out.

“But you don’t. You deserve to be an angel, Cas. You did more than all those other feathery bastards up there”, Dean replied eventually, getting up to put the towel away.

“Dean, you know that’s not true.” Cas said, getting up and walking over to Dean, who was standing by the little sink, back turned towards him.

“Cut the crap“, Dean muttered, turning around. He was cut off guard by the two pacific blue eyes staring into his, and he couldn’t help his mind from going back in time, to when Cas and he stood in the exact same position. But everything had been different then, because Cas had been an angel of the Lord and Dean was a hero. And Dean had warned Cas about ‘personal space’ back then, but now, for some reason he didn’t care anymore.

“No. Dean you don’t understand, I sc-“, Cas started to yell, but Dean realized he had enough. He was so done with it. He wanted Cas to feel okay for once, hell, he wanted both of them to feel okay. So Dean did the unthinkable, and crashed his mouth onto Cas’s, making him shut the hell up.

Dean wanted to take Cas’ pain and guilt away, wanted him to feel loved. Today, tomorrow, and the afterward, and afterwards,…

They would make it through together. Cas, without feathers now, and Dean. Dean and Cas.


End file.
